Elsie's Story.

If you've read either Guard a Sixpence or Elsie's story - you may like to keep up with my progress as I start to research Elsie's story.

Elsie at 18

Elsie, the strong woman who had lived through the murder of her father and the subsequent hanging of her mother to eventually succumb to the mental illness that she had tried so hard to recognise and fight against. Her demons finally caught up with her when mental oblivion gave her the release from a past that had haunted her throughout her entire life. But at what cost?

Summary outline of Elsie’s story.

Elsie’s story opens in 1986 when at the age of 87, she makes the decision to starve herself to death. She had previously persuaded her husband of over 60 years to move out into a home; a decision I believe she regretted when she realised that she could not live without him. As Elsie looks back over her life (and the subsequent death of Albert) she declares to the family that she will stop eating. Elsie does so and drifts slowly away to her death in a Scarborough Hospital ward in the summer of that year. I stand by her bed feeling no emotion. If only I'd known, then what I know now. I made a terrible mistake. This woman was indeed a strong woman; a woman of great substance, who had a truly amazing life.

Elsie’s story spans the 20^th century from her adoption at the age of 5 by her childless Aunt and Uncle, through the taunts of the playground bullies, and on to her leaving home at 18 to start her first job as an Edwardian maid-servant. She also marries my grandfather Albert when she walks down the aisle as a pregnant bride. I then go on to track Elsie's life as a mill worker in Bradford's up and coming clothing industry along with her fun-loving escapades at the Bradford Alhambra in a decade known as the 'roaring 20s'. Sadness hits in WW1 when her brother Ernest is killed in action on the Somme in 1917. Ernest had been the only other witness to the killing of their father and as they were close in age, too in sibling friendship.

Picking up the family tradition of clairvoyancy, I explore the possibilities of her attempt to keep in contact with her mother and father through the seances that my mother witnesses when she tells me about the terrible and frightening scenes that she sees as a child. I halt the story to explore the emerging practices of Victorian ‘front room’ spiritualism as I delve into the dark world that Elsie enters where I believe she hopes she will find answers to the miseries of the past and find her parents again.

The onset of WW2 sees the family back in Bradford with Elsie and her daughter assembling shells in a West Yorkshire ammunition factory. It is at this time that my mother Marjorie, forges her strong bond with her Grandma Emma; so strong is the bond that even at the end of her life, it is Emma she talks about as she gives me vivid description of those childhood memories; but also most importantly to my story, memories of Elsie as a young and volatile woman.

The war years seemed relatively happy years for the family but in 1948 when Elsie is diagnosed with 'Uterine' cancer and has no option but to endure a 'pan hysterectomy' in the Leeds Hospital for women – life is turned upside down. A dangerous operation for those times but Elsie survives. But she survives only to face further tragedy when family myth has me believe that on discharging herself early, Elsie is knocked down by a motorbike and finds herself back in hospital where she loses her sanity. The accident I am told by my grandfather is the reason for her mental illness. Research which I uncover in this book proves this theory inaccurate and possibly a family cover-up for the truth of the origins of her mental illness.

After the re-publication in 2016 of Guard a Silver Sixpence for my Canadian readers as Sins of the Family, I finally feel that I have the mental and emotional strength to look for answers to the question that has plagued me all of my life “Why had my grandmother been so cruel to me”? I finally contact York University’s, Borthwick Institute of research who I find hold historical medical files for the decade when Elsie self-admitted into York’s Clifton Mental hospital. It is here where I finally find the truth. Six years before my birth, Elsie is diagnosed with 'Paraphrenia' and as I read; with tears in my eyes, I can now clearly see how her treatment of me, links so closely with the symptoms finally disclosed to me in this summing up of her condition.

I take time to reflect on my lost childhood. Guard a Silver Sixpence was written to examine those time but as I read over those first chapters, I realise that I could only have ever described what happened to me at the hands of my carer; my ‘mad’ gran, rather than understand the reason. I needed these final pieces of the jigsaw that I had found at Borthwick. Now in Elsie’s story, I can understand that it was her daily torment that made her cruel. Hallucinations and her ever growing paranoia took away her ability to love. I have no choice but to question the fallibility of those who knew that Elsie was out of control. Hers was an illness which could have been treated if someone had been strong enough to ensure that she took her medication. She didn't and I suffered for it. But as I close this chapter, I do so with more compassion and love than I have ever felt for the gran who I no longer see as the ‘monster of childhood’ but rather the 'victim of her times'.

In this penultimate chapter I explore Elsie’s, Agatha Christie style vanishing act when she disappears for a week in my eleventh year. I reflect on my deep pleasure when I wake up to find her gone, but than my sadness when she returns, one week later. Where did she go? Why did my grandfather remain calm and unperturbed at her disappearance? To the best of my knowledge, Elsie’s secret died with her in 1986 but now 50 years later I take my reader through the imaginary journey that I believe she took when Elsie re-visits her South Yorkshire roots and re-traces those dreadful events of the past.

I close Elsie’s story where it began. In the final chapter I return to Quarry Mount to pack away her things after her untimely death. I am 29 years old and know nothing of the woman and her life. In my future, I will go on to unearth so many secrets. I am surprised to see her cache of books spanning religion, astrology and literature along with a note for Felicity where Elsie has written out the following extract from Kipling’s poem 'If' - If you can keep your head when all around are losing theirs along with a biblical quote from Psalms. I begin to wonder if I ever really knew this woman who had caused me so much pain. This woman who had admitted herself into Clifton to seek help for her lifelong battle with pain and confusion. The woman who had so much strength of character but was clearly let down by so many. The woman whose history has been locked away in archives across this land until unearthed by the granddaughter who needed to know the truth.

Extract from the mental health records of Elsie Swann.

Her mental state upon admission in 1951 is described as alert, co-operative and fully orientated.  Prior to admission she had been suffering from periodic instability and delusions that she was able to hear sounds and conversation at a great distance (that were inaudible to others) ‘as a result of Spiritualist training’ and that she was affected by electricity.  She claimed to see marks on walls that were electric in origin and due to secret research experiments being carried out on people without their knowledge. On admission however doctors recorded that she was depressed or agitated and showed ‘no evidence’ of the delusions previously expressed.  Elsie stated that ‘in her heart’ she did not wish to come into hospital but wanted to take the advice of her doctor.  In appearance she is described as having black hair, beginning to grey, brown eyes and a pale complexion.  Elsie was discharged against advice on the 7th November 1951 because she wished to return home.

Elsie’s final admission to Clifton was on 30th January 1957 at the age of 58.  She continued to suffer from Paraphrenia, claiming to be the victim of persecution by her neighbours, hearing voices and talking ‘incessantly’.  She also abused the Roman Catholic Church and used abusive language to passers-by whilst still at home.  Whilst in hospital she was treated with anti-psychotic medication, notably ‘largactyl’ and this seems to have reduced her hallucinations and delusions.  She was discharged to her home as ‘relieved’ on 4th May 1957 with the note that she was ‘probably as well now as ever she will be (records University of York, Borthwick Institute, York).

Elsie was released back to her family and to become my main carer, three months after my birth on the 13^th February 1957.